Well.
It's been 11 months since I posted here.
2016.
This is not a 'New year, new me' thing. This is me attempting to finish something I started around 14 months ago. I have had a...long relapse period.
New girlfriend, stunning girl. Been dating for around a month and a half now and things are progressing nicely. She can be very horny, no guy has ever made her cum. I intend to change that.
Problem: I can't maintain an erection during sex. I start strong, then I just stop feeling as horny. I'm focusing on the act. This may be down to inexperience, but I reckon my porn addiction is part of it, and that needs to change.
No girl has ever made me cum. The only way I have ever orgasmed is when my left hand has been in full control. This I also intend to change. It must hurt a girls self esteem to not make a guy cum, even when its not her fault. I do my best to make her feel like the most beautiful girl in the world when I'm with her, and I get the feeling I'm achieving this. However, I have more to give, there is more I can do to increase her feeling of being wanted.
I turn 20 tomorrow. I have spent 6 years in a cycle of porn and masturbation addiction. That accounts for over a quarter of my life. Those are years I can't take back. I wouldn't want to take them back either. They taught me a lot and I wouldn't be the man I am today without them. I wouldn't change anything I've ever done, for better or worse, because of the lessons I've been taught.
I haven't been making the same mistakes as I have in the past. I no longer send naked pictures, nor do I ever ask for them. I'm better than that. I respect myself more than that. I also respect women more than I used to. Guys and girls who are doing naked selfies, either sending or receiving. You are worth more than that, and the people you're doing it with deserve enough respect for you to say no. There is no fun or sexual appeal in people finding pictures of you or pictures people have sent you on your devices. It torments me to this day the things that I did in the past. Feelings of fear and regret. It doesn't have to be you. That doesn't have to be anyone. Don't do what I did, you WILL regret it, I guarantee it. Maybe not today or tomorrow or next year, but you will regret it, and you'll wish you paid attention to this post.
I've gone off on a tangent, and I apologise, but I blog what I'm thinking, and that was at the forefront of my mind. Don't. Ever.
Anyways, I have revision to do and not procrastinate over. I will be here again very soon.
It's...not good to be back, because I'm not looking forward to the challenge, but it needs doing, and this story needs to be told.
Much love,
KD x
